Overwhelmed

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of being overwhelmed.

I am overwhelmed by how much I owe. I owe more than a year's salary in debt right now. I am overwhelmed by the thought of making payments for 20 years or more. I am overwhelmed by how much money I will lose in interest charges. I am overwhelmed with feelings of loss, anger, frustration and sadness.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release my feeling of being overwhelmed.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Disappointment

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of disappointment.

I am disappointed in myself for allowing this debt to accumulate. I am disappointed that my financial windfalls have disappeared and my credit cards are maxed out. I feel disappointment each time I make a decision to not go out to eat or buy something or take a vacation because I don't have the money. I feel disappointed when I have to work while my friends are getting together for dinner or game night.

Most of all I am disappointed that I have let myself down and broken promises to myself to not allow myself to get into debt again after being debt free just 10 years ago.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release disappointment.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Doubt

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of doubt.

I doubt myself. I doubt my ability to stick to a budget and live within my financial means. I doubt my commitment to paying off my debt. I doubt that my income can increase. I even doubt that this exercise itself will work.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release doubt.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Income Increase Number 1 - $50.00

It's not a huge amount, but I was able to sell a few things on eBay and make an extra $50.00 this week. This is enough to be able to more than double my minimum payment this month on the credit card with the lowest balance. It's a small step, but a step forward. I hope this will be the first of many entries documenting additional income and windfalls that will pay off my debt, and validating my work to improve my emotional state and release my resistance surrounding my financial state.

Worry

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of worry.

I worry that I will not be able to pay off this debt. I worry that I will have a financial emergency that will bankrupt me because I am already at my credit limit and have no savings to fall back on. I worry that I will not have enough money each month to make my minimum payments. I worry that I will not have any money saved for retirement and I will have to work until I die. I worry that this emotional state of fear is destined to be my permanent emotional state and I will never feel carefree again.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release worry.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Blame

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of blame.

I have placed blame for this situation on others. I have blamed friends who promised to support my business but instead chose to book their vacations somewhere else. I have blamed the members of the networking group I joined for not referring business to me. I have blamed the franchise team for not reaching out with support. And I know that all of this is wrong.

The blame is entirely mine. I am solely responsible for this situation. It is my fault that I am in debt, nobody else's.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release blame.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Discouragement

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of discouragement.

I feel discouraged that I will ever be able to pay off everything that I owe. I feel discouraged that I will ever have extra money to be able to go on vacations or buy new clothes. I feel discouraged that I will ever feel the burden of debt lifted from me. I feel discouraged that I will find a way to clear the slate and start from zero again. But most of all I feel discouraged that I will learn my lesson, and that if I do manage to pay off everything I will make the same mistakes and return to this downward spiral.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release discouragement.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Anger

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of anger.

I feel angry when I consider my debt. I'm angry that I have spent far more than my income allows and have amassed a debt that is more than I make in a year. I'm angry that more than half my monthly income goes to pay credit cards. I'm angry that my business failed and I am now working for another big company where I am just another cog in the giant corporate machine. 

I'm angry that I have allowed my debt to become the primary driving issue in my life. I'm angry that every decision I make comes back to how much I have to spend and whether or not I have time off from work. I'm angry that I have lost my freedom because I have to conform to the company's schedule. I'm angry that I am missing investment opportunities because I don't have the money to invest anymore.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release anger.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Revenge

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of revenge.

I feel vengeful when I think about the money I owe. While the responsibility is mine and mine alone, I have behaved inappropriately towards others with regards to my debt. I have yelled at debt collectors and credit card customer service agents on the phone, displacing my anger towards myself on the companies that I owe money to and their representatives.

I have also treated myself poorly, taking out my anger and frustration on myself by eating badly and making myself ill. I have subconsciously told myself that I deserve to be sick because of the terrible way I have handled my finances. 

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release revenge.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Hatred

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of hatred.

I hate myself for allowing this debt to accrue. I hate myself for not spending my money wisely. I hate myself for squandering the financial windfalls I received and allowing myself to go straight back to old habits and out of control spending. 

I suppose I could channel my hate towards outside influences, but that would be dishonest. I am the only one to blame for this mess and I hate myself for letting this happen.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release hatred.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Jealousy

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of jealousy.

I am jealous of those who freely spend money on the things I want, like international trips in business class with luxury suites, extensive kitchen renovations, new cars and designer clothes.

I am jealous of friends who eat out regularly, buy expensive purses, go to concerts and see shows at the Straz.

I am jealous of people with careers that bring them joy and fulfill them as much as they pay them.

I am jealous of those who make a living with their art.

I am jealous of anyone who pays a bill without fear that the money may not be in the account.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release jealousy.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Insecurity - Guilt - Unworthiness

I am moving up the emotional scale. Today I acknowledge my feelings of insecurity, guilt and unworthiness about my debt.

I feel insecure about my finances, thinking I do not have enough income to cover all the monthly payments. I am unsure about how I may handle any unexpected expenses.

I feel guilty about having amassed so much debt with not very much to show for it. I am ashamed of the cash advances I took on credit cards to supplement a business that ultimately failed. I feel guilty for not being honest with myself about how much debt I am in.

I feel unworthy of the opportunity to remove myself from debt. I feel like I deserve to be punished for my actions and I should not be allowed to become debt free.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release insecurity.

I release guilt.

I release unworthiness.

I continue to move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.

Current State - The beginning of the road to Freedom

I am in debt. I am filled with negative emotions regarding this debt. Fear - of not being able to pay it off, of continuing to accumulate debt, of being found out. Grief - over the waste of money on failing ventures, over the dishonesty, over the loss of opportunities that could have manifested if I had spent the money more effectively. Hopelessness -  at the enormity of the amount I've managed to accumulate,   at the amount of time it could take to pay back. Despairing of ever being free of the weight of debt.

I hereby recognize these feelings and commit them to writing so I may move beyond them. I will change my emotions, which will change my reality.

I release fear.

I release grief.

I release hopelessness.

I release despair.

I have created a payment worksheet, and each month will at least double the lowest payment. I will document financial windfalls and additional amounts of income as they come to me. I will move up the emotional scale and gradually transform my feelings from negative to positive, from poor to prosperous, from anxiety to appreciation, from fear to love.